Letter to Myself

Your life isn’t going to look like you thought it was going to look.  You are going to have lessons you thought you already knew the answer to and when you go to take the test, you will be baffled at your lack of understanding.  But I know you.  You will pick yourself back up and try again.  You will be tenacious to understand.  You will fight to have insight.  You won’t let mere opinions by others and textbook answers be enough.  You will look again inside until you find a deeper more meaningful way of exploring your heart.  You will learn to listen and to let go.  You will find forgiveness and trust inside you in places you never thought were possible.  You will hold on to yourself when no one else does.  You will allow yourself to feel what you feel without apology.  You will find what you need when you need it without having to beg, borrow or steal.  You will look up and it will be there.  

Your mind is strong, but your heart is stronger.  Your ability to love and love deeply is a gift and not something to be ashamed of.  It is not something that will hold you back but will propel you further into your future.  You don’t have to wonder if things will be OK because you are OK.  You have all it takes to be OK right now.  Inside of you.  The vulnerability you feel and allow others to feel brings peace to this place inside you.  It allows love and goodness and kindness to embrace you.  So, feel what you feel.  Remember the emotional injuries you suffered, whether real or imagined, and do something with them.  You can write them down, think about them for a minute, talk about them….but then, and this is the important part.  You must throw them down the trash chute of life.  And then you are not allowed to garbage picking.   Don’t hold on to something that wants to rid itself from you.  Nothing is that important.  Really.  It’s not.  What’s most important is you are a whole and emotionally stable individual.  For without you, you cannot do your part to help others.  But you have to do you first, OK?  

You have to be OK with lonely and lost and sad sometimes.  You have to know that these days will not last forever.  You have to be in the moment you have right now. When you find yourself falling back into bad patterns, STOP IT.  Just stop.  Don’t do anything else. Those patterns didn’t help you before and they won’t help you now.  What will help you now is to know you have everything inside of you that you need when you need it.  Like a good friend waiting for you to call.  She sits waiting on the other end of the line.  “Oh, hey, I’m so glad you called.  I was waiting for you.”  Sometimes it is going to take every single ounce of energy to pick up that phone, to admit that you need to pick up that phone, to listen to the voice that has been buried down by a bunch of crap and external circumstances that want to distort the line and drop the call.  But hey, you won’t let it drop.  You will hold on.  You will listen even if you can’t quite make out the words. Because the whisper of the message is, “You will be OK.  I promise.”  And that is the only message you need to hold on to.

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